My job has been very trying this week. How could it be? I get up when I want, get dressed when I want, eat what I want. So what makes a day full of story books and kids TV difficult? Ryan's inquisitiveness. Should I really push the blame on a small child? You're thinking, 'Well, maybe you should check out that beam in your eye first.' True, very true. I think that everyday. And then I walk in the kitchen and see Ryan sitting on the counter eating Flinstones like candy. How did he get it open? (Ok, why could he reach it?) I then go in the boys room and find their books all over the floor instead of in their handy little baskets.
Ryan has been having success with potty training. However, his leap from the baby (yes, I still call him 'baby', but he responds, 'I'm not a baby, I Ryan') to big boy has drained him mentally. He has forgotten how to get his clothes on and how to buckle his car seat straps. He is always saying 'I can't' when I know he can. He is looking for new ways for me to be involved in his life. If I don't want to change his diapers, then I have to put the couch cushions on 10x's a day, or chase him out of my make up, or clean up the water he has emptied from out of the cooler onto the kitchen floor.
Right now, I love him best at 9:30pm, when he is fast asleep. He is dead tired, and sprawled out and peaceful. Last night I dreamed that we went to some fun house and he got lost. I looked and looked and kept crying, 'I've lost my baby. Someone stole my baby. I let someone steal my baby.' I woke up and went and checked on both of my boys, sleeping peacefully.
Diligence! I must keep constant diligence! Pray more, calm down more, give more, live more!
10 comments:
Don't feel bad, you are certainly not the only one who feels frustrated as a mom. It seems like once I've got the hang of my kids' needs and wants they go and change on me and I have to start all over. But don't ya love the job anyways?
I truely understand! I am still struggling with Hunter at almost age 10. Yes, now indifferent ways, a lot of emotional ups and downs.
The school has asked for him to have some occupational testing done. They think he might have some sensory needs unmet.
I do not think or know enough to say Ryan needs this. Just letting you know we are still being stretched by Hunter. Hunter has me running one way and Parker the other way.
I keep telling myself the Lord chose to give them to us and not someone else! Just love them to death and exhaustion.
Crystal--You spoke my mind!! I was having "one of the those days" yesterday. It can be so mentally, physically exhausting keeping up with small ones. I really did not expect motherhood to be so trying, and they aren't even teenagers yet! Scary! I always go in at night and give my kids a kiss, and say that I love them. It helps me feel peaceful and calm again. I love watching them look so sweet and CALM! You wouldn't be a normal mom, if you did not feel this way!
I've been through that stage with Lauren...where she takes on a new responsibility like going potty in the toilet and then REQUESTS me to do other things that she could do before. (example: no longer putting on her own shoes. She was putting on her shoes for a year and then all of a sudden she just couldn't do it anymore. ARGH!)
Who knew that motherhood would be so hard? why did someone not warn us?
i am sure you are doing awesome!!! keep up that great work! and keep praying!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Crystal! You are so poetic! You seriously need to write a "Diary of Mothers" book, and I might actually read it. Then I could say that I read a book (other than scriptures) this year! :) Win, win. Honestly though, I loved your post. DITTO to all mentioned. Children certainly have ways of showing us that we need to work on our patience!
I really enjoyed reading that. I am so glad that I am not the only one who struggles with this whole Mom thing and especially with boys because they really are a completely different ballgame than girls. Will is always saying "I can't" too. He is definitely my hardest kid right now. He is so demanding and purposely makes huge messes. He tries every bit of patience I have. Then a few minutes later he will say or do something adorable and my heart will fill with love and I will think how cute he is. I am grateful for those moments.
I was just thinking today that I want a vacation from motherhood and wifehood and be all alone for a little while. Then I read this post and it confirmed my other thought, "I am not the only one".
I too have rough days more often than not. With my hubby gone 3 to 5 days a week and 3 kids going each different direction, sometimes I wonder what the lord was thinking when he sent them to me. I've decided that its our insecurities/guilt trips that help us try to make ourselves better everyday. I love your little Ryan...his spunk is to die for.
I love what you said about pray more. I think sometimes we forget that we are not alone. I am learning this lesson every day. If we will just ask our burdens can be lightened.
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